Dear Spud: I'm Single, and I Just Want Someone to Take Me to Olive Garden.

Rexburg has officially made it. We finally have an Olive Garden. Between the soup, pasta and unlimited breadsticks, it's pretty much the fanciest thing this town has ever seen.

Ever since it opened, it seems like every couple in Rexburg has made it their new date night spot. Everywhere I look, couples are walking through the doors and sharing pasta like they're in Lady and the Tramp. Meanwhile, the rest of us single people are just watching from the sidelines, wondering how we're supposed to experience this amazing restaurant without a significant other.

I don't even want a relationship. I just want someone to take me to Olive Garden.

Is it wrong to go on a date just for the unlimited breadsticks? Do I need to start entertaining romantic prospects just so I can get a dinner reservation? Maybe my standards are too high, but I refuse to believe I'm the only person in Rexburg who is this passionate about Italian food.

Honestly, at this point, the only solution I can think of is asking my bishop if we can start using Olive Garden breadsticks for sacrament.

Sincerely,

Single and Starving

Dear Single and Starving, 

First, let me assure you that you are not alone. Since the opening of Olive Garden in Rexburg, our office has received an alarming number of reports from students experiencing what experts are calling Breadstick Envy.

We highly discourage entering a relationship for the sole purpose of partaking in more Italian cuisine. While love may be temporary, unlimited breadsticks are forever.

Thankfully, Olive Garden, like many other restaurants, recognizes that not everyone has a dinner companion. Their To Go services allow you to enjoy your favorite Italian dishes without the burden of finding a date. They even bring the food right to your car, ensuring that no one has to witness you eating alone.

Remember, you don't need a significant other to enjoy a significant amount of breadsticks.

Sincerely yours,

Spud